Session 7 allowed me to delve a little deeper into my past relationships with influential people such as family members and previous employers. It has become apparent that I often crumble in the face of authority; as a result of this, I often crumble in the faces of those I give authority to and shouldn't.
My current relationships have been largely impacted by this learned behaviour and it has affected my feelings towards myself as a mother. I've sometimes disregarded my instincts for the careless pieces of advice and criticism from others.
Every mother faces these challenges, but it's knowing that you- the mummy, knows best that's important. Picking apart my past relationships is really helping me understand why I gave authority and validity to the silly, careless comments of others in the beginning. Lack of belief in myself impacted on the way I felt about my ability to be a mother, feelings that had no reflection on my ability whatsoever.
I've learned that our fears, behaviours, likes and dislikes are, to some extent influenced by our environment. However, recognising it and focusing on change, looking at the facts, rather than invalid stories of the past can set us free. It's like an error in our programming and until we see the error, we can't fix it easily.
I left session 7 with a spring in my step, I am working hard at getting better, this was acknowledged by Zoe and she congratulated me. She also told me I was 'cool' which is quite nice considering she knows so much about me.
Zoe is a wonderful counsellor and I feel really lucky to be working with her. I can't emphasise enough how life changing it can be to pick apart your fears and explore who you are with the guidance of a counsellor. Anyone struggling with mental health should give it a go, it's not for everyone I'm sure, but when it is, it really is life changing.
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