A healthy relapse?

There's always going to be good days and bad days, even when you feel like you're getting better, but I wasn't really prepared for a week of feeling down again. I'm a bit puzzled as to why I've had a big set back, perhaps delving into the past during counselling sessions has dug up some old feelings. I've had that same trapped feeling I felt in the very beginning, feeling criticised instead of taking comments with a pinch of salt, baby H's routine has felt monotonous, I feel fat and unattractive and I've been eating chocolate again!

Negative thoughts have been consuming over the last week and some days have felt like mountains to climb again.

I've needed a break.

It's easy to forget to prioritise your 'me time' in the midst of routine and to-do lists, but this week, I've been reminded that breaks ought to be given ultimate priority. I'm always a more creative, energetic mummy after some much needed 'me time.'

After eventually realising I needed to get away from the routine and stomping off to the car in tears, I found myself sitting on a car park, wondering where to go. Where did I used to go? I couldn't remember. I then drove back home even more upset.

I found my answer a day or two later when I got the opportunity to do some gardening. The quiet time in the sun, enjoying nature and achieving something other than 'being mum' was all that was required to lift my spirits. A break from the routine, not an expensive luxurious spa day or a make-over, just time to do normal stuff within the space of my own home.

My week has gladly improved over the last couple of days as I've been given the opportunity to enjoy some sunshine with my friends and their babies. Chatting to other mums really is great therapy.

I also had my session at Mind today and I reluctantly explained my set back to Zoe. She offered reassurance in an instant, it is apparently quite normal to have a set back half way through therapy and it is a sign that I'm actually getting better. I'd been so worried that I'd let her down and that all my hard work had gone to waste, her words offered me an immense amount of comfort. I think I could have had a slight relapse due to me needing a break and because of the emotional effects of exploring the past in recent weeks. But, that's ok.

I felt like Zoe and I had a good spring clean during today's session and I left feeling exhausted, in a good way, the sort of exhausted you feel after you've had a good clear out and you sit down with a nice brew and a chocolate biscuit. A good cry was my chocolate biscuit today, no chocolate in sight!