I talked to Zoe about the way I feel when I'm around different people; my supportive Mummy network helps keep me safe as do other friends and family, but of course there are those that have a negative impact on the way I feel. Not all mummies are supportive of other mums, some are competitive, but these Mums have their own issues, as Zoe and I discussed today. It's about keeping ourselves safe.
How can you protect your own well-being if you're in negative company? A good way is to limit contact, cut conversations short but smile and be polite, see that the other person must have struggles of their own and accept their comments as a product of their issues- not yours. I don't feel strong enough to face and accept negative comments right now, so I know the best way to keep myself safe is through limiting contact with people that make me feel rubbish. Zoe said that I'm important too, so I don't have to people please; I should protect me first. I thought this was really good advice: only keep people that make you feel good close.
I read my letter and as predicted, I left Mind feeling wobbly. We have more work to do on the letter next week, but it's left me feeling sad. A tough pregnancy and being surrounded by negativity left me quite vulnerable; the loneliness I felt when I was pregnant became all to apparent when I read out my letter. I wanted to reach out to pregnant me and hug her, be there for her, then when that feeling faded, I felt angry for her, I wanted to defend her, fight for her. 7 hours later, the anger remains.
Today I've learned that part of the recovery process is releasing emotions and making peace with them. This can send us back into depths of anguish once again, but to deal with emotions, firstly you have to face them. I hope I get to bury some of these emotions next week, I need to make peace with the past.
Some people believe that it's bad to return to the past and I think they're right in many ways. I also think that to look at and evaluate what's been and gone gives us the opportunity to change how we live in the future, whilst it helps us understand the present. To look at the past can be really valuable if it's done positively.
The best advice from today's session however is to remember that you are important too, so surround yourself with people who make you feel it.
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