Today, my partner told me that I seem 'empowered' and he was right. I feel it.nEmpowered by my ability to admit that I had a problem, by my determination to get better, by my strength. It isn't the getting better which empowers us, but our strength to admit that things aren't ok, to seek help and change things. PND may debilitate us for a short time, but the road to recovery is an empowering one and I'm proud of myself for seeking help; it was brave, not weak.
I've changed as a person; the old me didn't have the confidence or insight that I have today. I'm wiser, more resilient, better equipped. Depression could strike me again, but I know the warning signs and I'm not afraid to deal with it again should I need to. When I was diagnosed with PND, I felt angry with myself, after battling depression 5 years previously, I was never supposed to have to fight the battle again. I was supposed to be cured. I've since lowered my expectations!
I don't expect to not to have to face elements of anxiety or depression in the near future either, parts of my condition will remain I'm sure. But having that insight, the ability to step back and see myself objectively, I'll hopefully be able to deal with anything I need to. It can be difficult to listen to yourself when you're busy, easy to not take notice, but it's important to reflect from time to time. People who don't reflect are more reluctant to change. Change is how we adjust to the world around us.
It's a shame that I hide behind this blog, many people who read this don't know my name, nor will they see my face. Stigma aside, few want to openly talk about their depression. My work colleagues don't know that I've had PND, most probably won't consider I might have. I've heard the phrase,
"You look great, motherhood must suit you" a few times since my return to work. I smile.
I look good as a product of my determination and my ability to admit I had a problem; it's the reason I feel good too.
After reflecting on my recovery, I can fully appreciate that It wasn't straight forward, however I have drawn up a list of 12 things that I feel helped me get better:
1) Going to Mind for Counselling. The help I've received through this unbelievably valuable charity has been second to none. It is the second time I've reached out to Mind for help with my mental health and both times, they have been a monumental part of my recovery. I really cannot thank Mind and of course, my counsellor enough. In a couple of weeks time, my sessions will come to an end and it saddens me, however, they have helped me build enough strength to cope without them and ultimately, that is what it's all about.
2) Growing, buying, preparing and eating healthy food and losing 1st 9lb as a result.
3) Joining a supportive and friendly weight loss group.
4) Factoring in time to do things I enjoyed before baby H came along.
5) Turning off the TV
6) Walking
7) Spending time with other supportive, friendly new Mums.
8) Going to a weekly Baby Sensory class with my Daughter and learning new ways to play and interact with her.
9) Treating and rewarding myself: whether it be weight loss triumph rewards or getting my nails painted because I feel like it. Being kind to myself has really helped.
10) Giving less time and focus to the negative influences in my life.
11) Sleep.
12) Reading: self help books, magazines, trashy novels, comedies, fantasy novels. Anything.
I hope one day, my blog can empower just one person to take control of their PND, admitting that you need help is the biggest and best step you can ever take. Being a Mum was never supposed to be like anything, it just is how it is and that's ok. One day, you will feel well again.
After reflecting on my recovery, I can fully appreciate that It wasn't straight forward, however I have drawn up a list of 12 things that I feel helped me get better:
1) Going to Mind for Counselling. The help I've received through this unbelievably valuable charity has been second to none. It is the second time I've reached out to Mind for help with my mental health and both times, they have been a monumental part of my recovery. I really cannot thank Mind and of course, my counsellor enough. In a couple of weeks time, my sessions will come to an end and it saddens me, however, they have helped me build enough strength to cope without them and ultimately, that is what it's all about.
2) Growing, buying, preparing and eating healthy food and losing 1st 9lb as a result.
3) Joining a supportive and friendly weight loss group.
4) Factoring in time to do things I enjoyed before baby H came along.
5) Turning off the TV
6) Walking
7) Spending time with other supportive, friendly new Mums.
8) Going to a weekly Baby Sensory class with my Daughter and learning new ways to play and interact with her.
9) Treating and rewarding myself: whether it be weight loss triumph rewards or getting my nails painted because I feel like it. Being kind to myself has really helped.
10) Giving less time and focus to the negative influences in my life.
11) Sleep.
12) Reading: self help books, magazines, trashy novels, comedies, fantasy novels. Anything.
I hope one day, my blog can empower just one person to take control of their PND, admitting that you need help is the biggest and best step you can ever take. Being a Mum was never supposed to be like anything, it just is how it is and that's ok. One day, you will feel well again.
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